*I am asking that you spread this to every Black Woman you know
For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to get married. I used to read the story of Ruth and Esther in the Bible and I used to be so inspired by the Song of Solomon. I dreamed about my wedding day, what dresses I would wear and what kind of dancing we would have. And most importantly, I thought about the man that I would marry. He would be tall, dashing, romantic, masculine and make me feel like a queen. And, most of all, he would be any color/ethnicity that I just hapened to fancy that day.
Did I mention how much I love my mother? Ever since I was a child, she has told me consistently, that whatever man I married- white, Asian, purple, green- I had her blessing. From the earliest age, I knew that I was welcome to pursue love without fear of my mother's resentment because that is what people do when they actually care about your happiness. They don't ask you to surrender your happiness and your dreams all to achieve some mystical goal that will supposedly produce an inclusive benefit for them. People who love you, let you be self-interested.
They don't ask you to devote your happiness to the good of a failed collective. They do not ask you to make them your priority and for you to accept that you are not theirs. They do not attempt to shame you for your choices or preferences. They do not seek to hurt you or indoctrinate you in hate-filled lies designed to crush your spirit, so that you feel as low as they feel about themselves. They don't hold you- they let go. They don't clip your wings- they give you wings and room to fly. Anybody who pushes their propaganda in order to make you conform to their wishes, is not someone that has your best interest at heart.
Ladies, Black Love is propaganda.
Black Love is not the romantic or committed relationship between two people of the same African originated lineage. That, simply, is just the love between a man and a woman who happen to belong to the same ethnicity. Black Love is a tool to keep Black Women tethered to the Black Community Model and therefore in a constant state of decay and abuse. Anybody with two eyes can see that Black Love- the idea that black men and women were made for/belong to/should prefer one another-is a racist and hateful ideology that forces both black women and men to deny a.) the realities of contemporary black male/black female relationships, b.) to maintain tunnel vision and ignore and pretend that the Black Community is not in a state of decomposition c.) often demands that black women submit to men by demanding that their interests and pursuits revolve around the "community".
We have all heard the interracial dating/marrying statistic by now. A whopping 24% of black American males have out-married compared to 9% of black American females. Add to this incarceration rates of black males, the extortion of black women by the so-called Black Church, the failure of "black leaders" to be effective, the racio-misogyny that is condoned in the hip-hop/rap industry and the fact that this industry is practically the authority on what it means to be black, the drop-out and poor educational prospects of too many black Americans in general and the rise of AIDS among black women and we have some cold, hard realities to face. My dear, dear sisters, whom I love dearly and desire to see you prosper and flourish. If you read nothing else from my blog, please pay very close attention to what I am about to lay out for you. The previous information reveals the following truths:
1. The strengthening and uplift of the Black Community is no longer a priority
2. The strengthening and the uplift of the Black Family is no longer a priority
3. The strengthening, uplift, provision and protection of the Black Female Body is not and has never been a priority
4. The strengthening, uplift, provision, protection and development of the Black Child is no longer a priority
5. The hard won collective dignity of Black Americans has been sold-out by the like of Blacksploitationists such as Dave Chappell, BET and again, the hip-hop community, and is now a thing of the past
6. The hard won gains and strides that our ancestors made to give us the opportunity to better ourselves through education are no longer valued
7. The silence of so-called black leadership, both religious and political, on these issues and their exploitative tactics has really been the source behind the death of Traditional Black Values.
8. The complete abandoning of the original and unique culture and customs handed down by ancestors is no longer of any value
There are many black people around who will tell you that by choosing to love another black person on principle, regardless of what your needs are, that you will actually be seeking to aid and alleviate these issues. Sister: don't drink the kool-aid. That is what they have been saying for several generations and things have only gotten worse. The truth is, that because so many black women have been told that they are under black men, that they have no value apart from black men or away from the Black Community, far too many black women have learned to champion their own self-destruction.
They told you that if you gave a man your body without the security of marriage, that it's just as good as any piece of paper. Nobody ever told you that men do not respect what they easily acquire. They told you that if you supported black males that committed crimes and shielded them from the cops and took up for them, that you would be standing in solidarity and would be doing what a good Black Woman is supposed to do. They have discouraged your self-interest and your commitment to yourself. The only comfort they have allowed you is a church that steals money from you calling it "tithes and offerings". That if you just pay enough, support a man enough, give a man who is clearly too old to be where he is in life a chance, that god will reward you with a good man. They tell you to believe whatever will satisfy their egos and interests, regardless of the effects that it has on you.
They lied to you.
You see, ladies, the Black Community does nothing about prioritizing the needs of Black Women because they have a vested interest in keeping them just how they are-
in a constant state of deterioration. Think about this example: if we know that many OOW children will not only limit the life and hopes of a woman but also send children into poverty, shame and neglect, why has there never been as much outcry over this and the racio-misogyny within the community as there was over, say,Troy Davis or Trayvon Martin? Why are black males like Chris Brown hallowed and welcomed back with open arms in spite of their behaviors and treated like kings while women are expected to normalize the abuse they receive?Why did Sharpton actually accuse the state of Florida of not treating the Dunbar Village rapists fairly, compared to white males who had committed similar crimes? Shouldn't every breath that escaped his lungs been raised in protest to decry these disgusting rapists and disassociate black identity from their crimes? Why has the Black Establishment allowed and continues to allow black males to remain unaccountable? Why would they rather have you,
the main person likely to be victimized by them, constantly in a state of self-reflection, supposedly for your own good, all the while demanding that they be the "leaders"? Isn't it the leaders who are supposed to self-criticize and be in self-examination and change their actions?Now here is the hard truth:
It is never going to change. Never.
You MUST come to terms with the fact that the Black Community Project is an absolute FAILURE. Since the 1980's it has been in a constant state of decay and failure and is now finally dead. No self-respecting community would allow the most vulnerable members to be attacked, unprotected or welcome outsiders to abuse them. You MUST understand and FINALLY ADMIT TO YOURSELF that you do not belong to a group of men who give a DAMN about your feelings, your insecurities or your dreams. You may find individuals who do, but as a whole, the black male collective has said it's piece and you are fool if you do not listen.
Therefore, it is time for us to be about ourselves as individual women who are proud of both our unique femininity and our heritage. Take a stand for your fore mothers and do not allow the honor of Black Womanhood to be sacrificed any longer for the sake of black male egoism. Put your needs and desires FIRST and I am begging you to please, please PLEASE MOVE ON. That doesn't necessarily mean to choose men of other ethnicities, it means to move on from a mind-set and mentality that will kill you and will kill your daughters. Do you really want this to continue? Do you really want to see another generation of Black Girls feels the same pain and anger that you do? Fight. And if you don't fight for yourself, who will be left to fight for them?
