LOVE...Not Propaganda

*I am asking that you spread this to every Black Woman you know

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to get married. I used to read the story of Ruth and Esther in the Bible and I used to be so inspired by the Song of Solomon. I dreamed about my wedding day, what dresses I would wear and what kind of dancing we would have. And most importantly, I thought about the man that I would marry. He would be tall, dashing, romantic, masculine and make me feel like a queen. And, most of all, he would be any color/ethnicity that I just hapened to fancy that day.

Did I mention how much I love my mother? Ever since I was a child, she has told me consistently, that whatever man I married- white, Asian, purple, green- I had her blessing. From the earliest age, I knew that I was welcome to pursue love without fear of my mother's resentment because that is what people do when they actually care about your happiness. They don't ask you to surrender your happiness and your dreams all to achieve some mystical goal that will supposedly produce an inclusive benefit for them. People who love you, let you be self-interested.

They don't ask you to devote your happiness to the good of a failed collective. They do not ask you to make them your priority and for you to accept that you are not theirs. They do not attempt to shame you for your choices or preferences. They do not seek to hurt you or indoctrinate you in hate-filled lies designed to crush your spirit, so that you feel as low as they feel about themselves. They don't hold you- they let go. They don't clip your wings- they give you wings and room to fly. Anybody who pushes their propaganda in order to make you conform to their wishes, is not someone that has your best interest at heart.

Ladies, Black Love is propaganda.

Black Love is not the romantic or committed relationship between two people of the same African originated lineage. That, simply, is just the love between a man and a woman who happen to belong to the same ethnicity. Black Love is a tool to keep Black Women tethered to the Black Community Model and therefore in a constant state of decay and abuse. Anybody with two eyes can see that Black Love- the idea that black men and women were made for/belong to/should prefer one another-is a racist and hateful ideology that forces both black women and men to deny a.) the realities of contemporary black male/black female relationships, b.) to maintain tunnel vision and ignore and pretend that the Black Community is not in a state of decomposition c.) often demands that black women submit to men by demanding that their interests and pursuits revolve around the "community".

We have all heard the interracial dating/marrying statistic by now. A whopping 24% of black American males have out-married compared to 9% of black American females. Add to this incarceration rates of black males, the extortion of black women by the so-called Black Church, the failure of "black leaders" to be effective, the racio-misogyny that is condoned in the hip-hop/rap industry and the fact that this industry is practically the authority on what it means to be black, the drop-out and poor educational prospects of too many black Americans in general and the rise of AIDS among black women and we have some cold, hard realities to face. My dear, dear sisters, whom I love dearly and desire to see you prosper and flourish. If you read nothing else from my blog, please pay very close attention to what I am about to lay out for you. The previous information reveals the following truths:

1. The strengthening and uplift of the Black Community is no longer a priority

2. The strengthening and the uplift of the Black Family is no longer a priority

3. The strengthening, uplift, provision and protection of the Black Female Body is not and has never been a priority

4. The strengthening, uplift, provision, protection and development of the Black Child is no longer a priority 

5. The hard won collective dignity of Black Americans has been sold-out by the like of Blacksploitationists such as Dave Chappell, BET and again, the hip-hop community, and is now a thing of the past

6. The hard won gains and strides that our ancestors made to give us the opportunity to better ourselves through education are no longer valued

7. The silence of so-called black leadership, both religious and political, on these issues and their exploitative tactics has really been the source behind the death of Traditional Black Values.

8. The complete abandoning of the original and unique culture and customs handed down by ancestors is no longer of any value

There are many black people around who will tell you that by choosing to love another black person on principle, regardless of what your needs are, that you will actually be seeking to aid and alleviate these issues. Sister: don't drink the kool-aid. That is what they have been saying for several generations and things have only gotten worse. The truth is, that because so many black women have been told that they are under black men, that they have no value apart from black men or away from the Black Community, far too many black women have learned to champion their own self-destruction.

 They told you that if you gave a man your body without the security of marriage, that it's just as good as any piece of paper. Nobody ever told you that men do not respect what they easily acquire. They told you that if you supported black males that committed crimes and shielded them from the cops and took up for them, that you would be standing in solidarity and would be doing what a good Black Woman is supposed to do. They have discouraged your self-interest and your commitment to yourself. The only comfort they have allowed you is a church that steals money from you calling it "tithes and offerings". That if you just pay enough, support a man enough, give a man who is clearly too old to be where he is in life a chance, that god will reward you with a good man. They tell you to believe whatever will satisfy their egos and interests, regardless of the effects that it has on you.

They lied to you.

You see, ladies, the Black Community does nothing about prioritizing the needs of Black Women because they have a vested interest in keeping them just how they are- in a constant state of deterioration. Think about this example: if we know that many OOW children will not only limit the life and hopes of a woman but also send children into poverty, shame and neglect, why has there never been as much outcry over this and the racio-misogyny within the community as there was over, say,Troy Davis or Trayvon Martin? Why are black males like Chris Brown hallowed and welcomed back with open arms in spite of their behaviors and treated like kings while women are expected to normalize the abuse they receive?Why did Sharpton actually accuse the state of Florida of not treating the Dunbar Village rapists fairly, compared to white males who had committed similar crimes? Shouldn't every breath that escaped his lungs been raised in protest to decry these disgusting rapists and disassociate black identity from their crimes? Why has the Black Establishment allowed and continues to allow black males to remain unaccountable? Why would they rather have you, the main person likely to be victimized by them, constantly in a state of self-reflection, supposedly for your own good, all the while demanding that they be the "leaders"? Isn't it the leaders who are supposed to self-criticize and be in self-examination and change their actions?Now here is the hard truth:

It is never going to change. Never.

You MUST come to terms with the fact that the Black Community Project is an absolute FAILURE. Since the 1980's it has been in a constant state of decay and failure and is now finally dead. No self-respecting community would allow the most vulnerable members to be attacked, unprotected or welcome outsiders to abuse them. You MUST understand and FINALLY ADMIT TO YOURSELF that you do not belong to a group of men who give a DAMN about your feelings, your insecurities or your dreams. You may find individuals who do, but as a whole, the black male collective has said it's piece and you are fool if you do not listen.

Therefore, it is time for us to be about ourselves as individual women who are proud of both our unique femininity and our heritage. Take a stand for your fore mothers and do not allow the honor of Black Womanhood to be sacrificed any longer for the sake of black male egoism. Put your needs and desires FIRST and I am begging you to please, please PLEASE MOVE ON. That doesn't necessarily mean to choose men of other ethnicities, it means to move on from a mind-set and mentality that will kill you and will kill your daughters. Do you really want this to continue? Do you really want to see another generation of Black Girls feels the same pain and anger that you do? Fight. And if you don't fight for yourself, who will be left to fight for them?

http://bougieblackgirl.com/2012/04/11/black-men-in-the-entertainment-industry-who-have-dissed-black-women-that-black-women-still-supportwarning-laced-with-madness-the-stupid-profanity-and-hella-colorism/?blogsub=confirming#subscribe-blog

"Just Climbing." - The meaning behind the title of this blog

Over the last few years, I have really been rethinking my place in the so-called black "community". I have been reflecting over everything that I have been taught about being a person of black American descent and what society at large tells me about it. I have been questioning whether or not it's all right and if maybe somewhere between all of the black power and social struggles of times past, what it really means to be black in America has somehow gotten lost in translation. When one examines in particular the roles that the women are asked to play, it becomes an even murkier puddle.

One of the first things that I have realized is the disproportionate amount of responsibility placed on black women to be the "back-bone" of the community. They are expected to raise children, hold down full-time jobs, cook, clean, and comfortably stand on the side lines cheering on black men in their personal struggles to achieve upward mobility. She is supposed to be sensitive to his needs and challenges and not give him too much trouble by demanding more of him, because after all, it's still so hard for a black man.

For the last few generations, this "race woman" concept has been hammered into black women and says that they are supposed to "support their men" and if they do this, then the great race uplift project that spawned the modern-day black community (and its problems) could achieve it's goals. Black women would be protected and defended and be able to raise their children in comfort and finally receive respite for the centuries of sexual exploitation and abuse. She would be respected, honored, loved and accepted for who she was, just as strong as she is graceful, and she would be praised for her dedication to the race.

Fast forward about 40 years and you have what we now call the black community- a den of violence, misogyny and chaos that somehow still manages to pass for a culture of proud people striving to achieve a common goal. I don't need to repeat the statistics on the levels of crime, poverty, violence, out of wedlock births, and lack of education. We all know them. What I want to know, is when will someone finally standup and say: "Something is wrong here?"

I love my mother. I never met anyone like her in my life. She is the strongest and most feminine woman I know (maybe only after my grandma). When I look back over my life and see all that she had to go through, I marvel still how her hopes and dreams of a happy family life, being supported and nurtured by the man whose children she bore, completely crashed all around her and she still never complained and never used it as an excuse to let me down as a mother. My earliest memory of her is her coming home in a rush and switching into her uniform to go to her second job. Her work ethic would put the average CEO to shame and her attitude never ceases to be anything but pleasant and joyful. No one would ever have known that for so many years she would come home to an alcoholic, emotionally unavailable and cold-hearted excuse for a man and a dilapidated shot-gun shack full of holes, rats and had no central air or heat. She wasn't happy with my fathers lack of ambition and complete disinterest in his family. She never accepted his cheating or cruelty. She simply did what so many black women have been taught to do when they find themselves dealing with a dead beat. Believe in him. Stand by him. Support him. Encourage him. Motivate him. And she did it all so well. So well. When I was 15 he walked out. To this day the man has no idea if I am living or dead. And he doesn't care.

I don't blame my mother for my fathers errors. All she did was fall in love with a man she thought loved her, got married and preceded to give him three children and the best years of her life. 30 of them in fact. What I have never been able to resolve is why wasn't this enough? Why wasn't the fact that he chose her to marry not enough to motivate him to aspire to a greater quality of life for her? Why did she have to beg and plead for him to find a better paying job, to get a better home decent for his family to live in, to actually have conversations with his children? Why did it never occur to him that the woman who bore his children and those children themselves were precious and deserved safety and comfort? But the question that I have asked myself more than anything, is why- WHY- was it so easy on his conscience to just pick up and leave? After all of this questioning and pondering, I think I have found the answer:

Because there is no fraternity, no church, no club, no law, no shaming and no principle that keeps black men accountable. In short, he did it because he could and he knew he would not be the one paying the price-he wasn't the back-bone of the community.

Perhaps there was a period in time when all of the social indoctrination that black women received was beneficial in some ways, back when blacks were facing terrorism daily and needed to keep the family and communities strong. What I have become aware of is that black men of former generations, like my great-uncles and great-grandfather, while far from perfect, had a stronger sense of upholding black male masculinity and indeed saw it as their duty to protect and provide for their families and the black community at large. I don't mean to say that there has never been issues related to how the sexes relate but rather that I doubt it was ever such a definitive part of the black experience. Also, so many black males of today base their ideals of what a black woman should be on their grandmothers or women from times past, but fail to realize that if they were the ideal women they are so nostalgically fond of, it's more than likely because the men of those generations held themselves to much higher standards.

And so, this all leads me to my original reason for writing this post: why my blog is called "Just Climbing." In 1904, Mary Church Terrell, a child of slaves and civil rights activist, once said in a speech she was giving about the plight of black women:

" Lifting as they climb, onward and upward they go struggling and striving and hoping that the buds and blossoms of their desires may burst into glorious fruition ere long. Seeking no favors because of their color nor charity because of their needs they knock at the door of Justice and ask for an equal chance."

It amazes me that 108 years later this speech is still so relevant to my life today. However, there is something that has changed:  I ain't lifting nobody! No race. No community. No man.

What the younger generations of black women and girls must accept is that:
1. Times have changed and applying the same sick model to our modern day situation spells suicide for black women and girls.
2. That they have the right to pursue an identity outside of the black community's definition of what a woman should be.

If you are on the fence or just think that any woman who chooses to opt-out of being black-community identified is just crazy, let me ask you this: what have black women gotten for unquestioningly following the ideals and values of the black community? Where are the benefits? Will I be protected? Defended? Honored? Respected? Loved? Appreciated? Will my struggles as a woman be shared as a collective plight or fodder for sick people's entertainment? If I choose to give my body in love and trust, will it be held as precious or rather just another plot to till? Will I come first? Will I be judged by my character and not the color of my skin? Will I find a safe place to rest? I have considered all of these things and the answer, sadly, is a big. effing. no. There is nothing in it for me.

Therefore, I am Just Climbing. I'm not lifting. I'm not sitah soldering. I'm not claiming as a brother (or a sister) any one who does not share my values and refuses to protect my interests. And my climb isn't the often over-romanticized vision of black struggle against the white devil who keeps him down. No. This is a climb for education, a climb to improve my financial and social status, to develop my own interests and ideas, to achieve my goals and to obtain the best quality partner (of any color) who desires to give me the love and comforts that I deserve as I equally strive to reciprocate. It is a climb for self-actualization.

I don't know where my life, or this blog, is going to lead me, but I do no one thing- I am my own possession and the soul authority over my own life and anyone's irrelevant conceptualization of what my life is supposed to mean can just go kick rocks.