Shrink Shaming- It's just as bad as Fat Shaming

 So, I came in kinda late on one of the big deals going on in the blogesphere (curse you, midterms!) but as it is a subject close to me, I just gotta "weigh in". ROTFLMBO! I purposely stayed away from some bloggers posts on the subject as I didn't want to get into it with anyone but I just HAVE to say this.

I have been overweight for most of my life and it is just now that I am beginning to get serious about losing it. Growing up was the worst and most painful time in my life. The kids actually thought that my name was "Big Girl" or "Miss Piggy" and the scars on my self-esteem took years to fully heal. I have never been proud to be fat. I don't see what there is to be proud about. My lack of pride in carrying around extra useless pounds is not rooted in a lack of a positive self-concept or a vain desire to meet a ridiculous beauty standard. It stems from the fact that obesity is unnatural and unhealthy and has hampered me from doing many of the things that I desire to do. And if noting else, it just never felt right.

My problem with articles such as the one Kaiser did on BW and their image and self-esteem does not stem from a disdain for fat BW (I am one, though I have been dropping pounds! :-D). My problem stems from the fact that they, along with other Fat Happy Black Women proponents, seem to suggest that obesity is a valued part of Black Feminine Identity and is some sort of birthright, and what that might mean for young BW girls growing up could be just another downward spiral.

 Now, I will never condone hurtful, shaming language as I know what it's like to be the victim of it, but I will also never condone the idea that women or anyone else should just embrace fatness, haters be damned! Fatness is a problem. A health problem. It's something that will hamper your fulfilling a full and unhampered life. Here is a hard anti-relativistic, elitist truth for all of you living the post-modern dream: some choices are better than others. Choosing to embrace a lifestyle that will have your arteries clogged, joints weakened, blood pressure to the ceiling and sugar levels at ungodly highs is simply not smart-it's self-destructive.  How can we empower BW's if we don't call out ALL such auto-immune behaviors/mentalities and question them? If I can't say, "Yes, you are beautiful and I want to encourage you as pursue your education/get married/get that great promotion/work for the career of your dreams, but what good is that if you're committing suicide-by-fork all along the way?" then why are we blogging?

If a person wants to give the finger to the beauty establishment and embrace every inch of their body be it an extra inch or not, then I say go for it. But do not, do NOT attach the word "Black Woman" to it. Because then you are talking about all of us and I am not on the fat and happy bandwagon and fatness is NOT synonymous with my pride as a BW. What I can never understand is why do so many of these women and others view fatness a part of Black Womanhood. Do they not understand that by trying to avoid one standard, they are creating another and it's one that will have ramifications that all BW will pay. Look, no matter what side of the argument you are on, fatness is just a part of the human condition; no more, no less. It has no more to do with the intrinsic qualities of Black Feminine Identity then being skinny. While I have no desire to make these women feel poorly about their great self-esteem, what I do have a problem with is the promotion of the idea that, as a BW, I should be happy about it. That just because I want to shrink or dare to encourage other BW's to do so, then I should be the one shamed. WTH??!?! 

The term that I personally have coined to describe this is shrink shaming.

 I recognize that I am just as worthy of love as anybody else, but I also acknowledge that the person I choose to be with also deserves a partner that takes care of themselves and isn't loaded down with health problems associated with weight. I recognize that weight can compromise not only my health but any pregnancy that I may have and shorten my life, which could leave a potential husband and children behind. I recognize that while the treatment of fat people in the West is deplorable and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as someone who has been overweight and has suffered physically, I can not in good and honest conscience do anything but encourage my sisters to maximize their health, happiness and longevity by shedding the excess weight.

If somebody had the guts to tell me when I was younger all the havoc that extra pounds does to your body, all the medical bills and mood swings, tears and complications from fat that I would have to endure, I would be closer to my goals by now. Now, I will be perfectly honest and say that I have never had a problem in the attraction department. I have never had a problem with men finding me attractive and on more than one occasion, they have by passed fit women who were in my presence at the time to speak to me. That being said, whether or not I can still attract a man is NOT the litmus test for if my fat is acceptable and should be normalized and embraced as a part of my identity. My overall quality of life is and when you can't walk up 3 flights of stairs without stopping or don't have the discipline to say no to certain foods, even if they make you sick and put you on medication, then this, for me, is not a high quality of life. This to me is mediocrity.

Therefore, I proudly say that I am NOT a fat and happy Black Woman. All of these pretty pounds I have carried around might very well mean more of me to love but they also mean more of me to lose- in more ways than one. I am losing this weight, I am making healthier choices in foods and activities and I have been more conscious than ever in my whole life of gaining discipline and maximizing happiness. I am not sad or depressed. I am not down in the dumps, and while I don't have a skewed body image, I also don't have a poor one. I am not in anyway ashamed of my body. I LOVE my body and that is why I am going to take care of it better from now on. :-)